Monkey Off Back
At his press conference yesterday afternoon, Nuno’s finger was hovering over the panic button. It’s not difficult to see why.
- the surviving members of ‘Chas and Dave’, ‘The Cockerel Chorus’ and ‘Hoddle and Waddle’ are all on the brink of bankruptcy, with no sniff of novelty singles since the 1980s.
- Dele Alli’s transformation into Peter Tosh looks better each week. But everyone else knows that Tosh was no box to box midfielder, and was shit at defending corners
- The good news is that Ossie Ardiles has finally had his much needed op. The bad news is his knees will never go trembly again.
- Harry ‘Travel’ Claim is now spending most of his time at Heathrow Airport, checking his phone while sat expectantly in the Mahrez Lounge.